Happy New Year!!

Hello again, my friends! Apologies for my recent radio silence. I won't lie, it has been a tough couple of months with so many milestones in such a short space of time. Peter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and anticipation of the anniversary of his passing and the unknown year ahead all hit me hard. 

I found myself unable to make any progress on any of my projects. I couldn't concentrate on my Teach English as a Second Language course. I had little motivation to cook and contribute to The Puuurple Kitchen. My novel? What novel?! I couldn't even face sharing here, a place that has brought me so much comfort and clarity over the last year.

I shan't dwell on the low points of last year as I have put them behind me and quite frankly I do not wish to revisit them! The 4th of January came around with much apprehension and utter disbelief that a whole year could have passed already. We had a small gathering with some of our closest friends on Mount Hamilton, where his ashes are scattered, and spent a wonderful hour or two sitting and sharing our memories. It was a gorgeous sunny day and I find it very comforting to know that he rests in such a peaceful, beautiful place.

I was prepared for that Sunday to be a deeply painful day and was very surprised to find the opposite. Yes, I was sad, and had gotten very upset on the Saturday night while looking through our wedding photos and watching Love, Actually - one of our favorite movies. But standing on Mount Hamilton I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. The images of his last few months and the morning of his death that had been haunting me again melted away and were replaced by his smiling face, his laughter, and his mischievous antics! I was able to remember the amazing man I fell in love with and was so happy to have those memories back!

This weekend we had a larger memorial back at Savannah Chanelle, the winery where we held his service last year. It was another ridiculously sunny day and it was wonderful to see everyone who turned up to celebrate his life. I was particularly touched when his boss presented me with a plaque commemorating Peter's first patent, which was awarded in the summer. I must confess that the only part of the patent I understood was his name, but I was so proud and delighted to receive it.

The memorial on Saturday marked the last of my milestones, and the end of my worst year imaginable. I know we are on the 12th already, but for me today is the first day of my new year, and I feel positive in a way I would not have believed just a couple of weeks ago! 

I have a lot to achieve this year and know that I am the only person who can stand in the way of my dreams. I still have a lot to work out but I am ready to move forward and start tackling my future in bite sized chunks.

I normally talk about resolutions in my first post of the year and had been pondering which to make for this year, but one of my friends on Saturday said that he doesn't believe in resolutions and made himself goals instead. I like that idea, so here are my goals for January:

1) Embrace the morning again! As my mood took a turn for the worse last year, so did my ability to get up at a reasonable hour. I have too much to do this month so I plan to be up by 8am every morning. Well, during the week, anyway! 

2) Cook more often and more healthy food. One of a number of health changes I hope to make over the course of the year, and probably the easiest one to start with. Not only will this (hopefully!) help me shift some of the pesky pounds I put on in the latter half of last year, but will also give me fodder for my foodie blog - win win!!

3) Finish my course. The sooner I finish it, the sooner I can use it and hopefully start earning some money! 

4) Finish my paperwork. I still have a few nagging things to finalise from Peter's estate, things that I had planned to have finished by the end of the year but both couldn't face and added to my depression. I am very keen to no longer have those hanging over my head!

5) Work on my resume. I'll need one of those if I'm going to find myself a job!!

That's probably enough to be getting on with. I look forward to letting you know how I get on, as well as what my next set of goals will be!

This will be my last post in The Widow Chronicles. The aim of this blog was to help me survive this first year, and it has served its purpose well! 

But fear not -  I will be putting together a shiny new blog over the next couple of weeks where I hope to share all my positive progress, as well as get back to the spirit of Adventures of a Puuurplemonster Abroad, my original blog which was all about fun and general nonsense. Still working on a new title and currently hovering around The Puuurplemonster Chronicles, The Puuurple Chronicles, or more simply The New Adventures of The Puuurplemonster. Whaddya think? I am open to all comments and suggestions!

It is only right that I end with some acknowledgements: 

Thank you to my amazing army of friends in California who were there for both Peter and I throughout his illness and have been around for me over the last year. 

To my stepmother and dear departed father who tragically understood what I was going through in a way that no-one else could. 

To my family and friends back home who were always there with words of encouragement when I needed them. 

To Doug, a surprise find in such a dark year, for being there when I need you, for buggering off when I need space, and for helping me to laugh again. 

To little Savannah, my other surprise find of the year, for being cute and furry and providing an unlimited supply of love and, unfortunately, kisses too!

And finally, to everyone here who has indulged me and read my ramblings! This blog has been an important part of my year and my therapy and I appreciate all your comments and words of support along the way.

Right, time to sign off now. Hope to see you all on the new blog! xxx